Courtly Love

"Roman de la Rose" poem

What is Courtly Love?

To define courtly love, one must first recognize that, as a literary concept, it is very complex. There are rules that defy the traditional values that come to mind when considering marriage and romance set by modern standards, and yet, these are the same rules that invoke an overwhelming love—and within its reflection, an intolerable pain—for the consumers (the entertained readers) and victims (the characters) of courtly love. One might assume that courtly love is the most pure and honest form of love that could be written and read about in the 12th century, but within it lies adultery and secrets that have appealed to, entertained, and—to an extent—influenced audiences invested in the world of knights and chivalry across many generations.

As best defined by the History Cooperative, courtly love is “a medieval concept that romanticizes an idealized and often unattainable form of love, characterized by devotion, chivalry, and poetic expressions of longing” (4). Idealized, the form of love that courtly love represents is a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings that can be all-consuming, often to the point that it flirts with the idea of death. As the British Library puts it both grimly and plainly: “All loves end—either the lovers part or they die” (3). When the love of courtly love is described as unattainable, it is worth mentioning that, between the two lovers, but especially in regards to the lady, one of them is already married. Throughout most texts that involve it, courtly love most often dances between love and suffering, a type of non-physical love that is “often unconsummated, a source of unending desire and spiritual elevation” (5). It is considered a mental, emotional affair involving longing desires more than it is a physically sexual one.

Who Were the Lovers of Courtly Love?

Frequently, the two lovers of courtly love were the chivalrous knight torn between his loyalties, and the married noblewoman, the object of all his desires. Often the main protagonist of courtly love, for his struggles are perhaps the most appealing and challenging to audiences, the knight’s loyalty to his king is threatened by the love for his lady. While the knight traverses dangerous journeys and quests in the service of his lord, he must also perform brave acts to win his lady’s love (4). He must always view his lady as the “embodiment of perfection” (4), devoting his services entirely to her, yet he must maintain his loyalty to his lord in the 

same act. Therein lies a steep price, as courtly love threatens the relationship of the knight and his king, and denies any future of a fulfilling union between the knight and his lady.

In addition to this, the role of women portrayed in courtly love were “idealized beings, often draped in the unattainable allure of marriage or other binding ties” (5). However, we cannot discount the power a woman holds as the apple of the knight’s eye once she has obtained his affections and undying loyalty. The knight must follow every command that she gives him, “whether she sends him on an impossible quest, banishes him from her company, or stands accused of some terrible crime, in desperate need of his help” (2). Her command will always equal that of his lord’s, his love for her waging war with his duties.

What Were the Rules of Courtly Love?

At the time of the 12th–13th century, because marriage was often considered a material exchange between two families, courtly love was “a way for nobles to express the love not found in their marriage” (3). Although modern audiences might scrutinize the way adultery is glorified in medieval literature, it’s worth reminding that these works were an idealized form of love within fiction. Not only that, but courtly love “played a significant role in shaping medieval literature, art, and culture, and its influence extended beyond Europe, inspiring similar concepts of romance in different societies” (3). It challenges the social norms that attempt to restrict love to monogamy, while, at the same time, emphasizes finding fulfillment in devoting oneself to one person. Courtly love encourages jealousy, humility, and complete devotion between lovers.

“Courtly Love followed strict rules, combined with the Code of Chivalry, and allowed knights and ladies to show their admiration for another regardless of their marital state.” (3)

The 31 Rules of Courtly Love 

Andreas Capellanus, in the Art of Courtly Love, lists (1): 

1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.

2. He who is not jealous cannot love.

3. No one can be bound by a double love.

4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.

5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.

6. Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity.

7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.

8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.

9. No one can love unless he is impelled by the persuasion of love.

10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.

11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.

12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.

13. When made public love rarely endures.

14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized.

15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.

16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved, his heart palpitates.

17. A new love puts to flight an old one.

18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.

19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.

20. A man in love is always apprehensive.

21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.

22. Jealousy, and therefore love, are increased when one suspects his beloved.

23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.

24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.

25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.

26. Love can deny nothing to love.

27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.

28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.

29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.

30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.

31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women (pp. 184-186).

Works Cited

1. “The Art of Courtly Love : André, Le Chapelain : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming.” Internet Archive, New York, Columbia University Press, 1 Jan. 1970, archive.org/details/artofcourtlyloverrich/page/184/mode/2up. (pp. 184-186).

2. Ashe, Laura. “Love and Chivalry in the Middle Ages.” British Library, 31 Jan. 2018, www.bl.uk/medieval-literature/articles/love-and-chivalry-in-the-middle-ages.

3. “Courtly Love.” Bell Shakespeare, www.bellshakespeare.com.au/courtly-love. Accessed 7 Sept. 2023.

4. “Courtly Love.” The British Library - The British Library, www.bl.uk/learning/timeline/item107724.html. Accessed 7 Sept. 2023.

5. Kabir, Syed Rafid. “Courtly Love: An Idealized and Unattainable Love.” History Cooperative, 9 June 2023, historycooperative.org/courtly-love/.

            Images Works Cited

        6. “Roman de La Rose.” British Library, www.bl.uk/collection-items/roman-de-la-rose. Accessed 7 Sept. 2023.

        7. “Universitätsbibliothek Heidelberg, Cod. Pal. Germ. 848: Große Heidelberger Liederhandschrift

         (Codex Manesse).” Home Page, doi.org/10.11588/diglit.2222#0138. Accessed 7 Sept. 2023.